


the shapes we find in water

by pyrrhlc



Series: in all this driftwork [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Epilogue, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 10:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhlc/pseuds/pyrrhlc
Summary: It’s impossible to forget, he thinks. People who love deeply should rarely ever forget. It doesn’t mean you should spend your life thinking about them, of course – he does it anyway, but it’s not always the same for everyone. Sometimes, it feels better to try and bury grief. To try and bury that shame, those false beginnings. Sometimes, it’s the braver option, to move on and try to start again. To make a second life, carve yourself out a second world.It’s not how Magnus operates, though he’s tried.Magnus stands at Julia’s grave and thinks of hope. It comes to him in pieces.





	the shapes we find in water

Life moves on, but Magnus doesn’t forget.

It’s impossible to forget, he thinks. People who love deeply should rarely ever forget. It doesn’t mean you should spend your life thinking about them, of course – he does it anyway, but it’s not always the same for everyone. Sometimes, it feels better to try and bury grief. To try and bury that shame, those false beginnings. Sometimes, it’s the braver option, to move on and try to start again. To make a second life, carve yourself out a second world.

It’s not how Magnus operates, though he’s tried.

There’s a fine line between rebuilding and running away. Most days, Magnus feels like it’s just enough, to blend together the two halves of your life, and keep on moving that way. It’s not seamless, and it’s certainly not always pretty, but it’s a start.

Magnus is without Julia – will always be without her – but for the first time in months, he thinks he might finally be able to live with it. To move in and out with the tide, and all that tide brings with it.

Things do change, of course, but they’re good changes, progressive ones. Lying alone in bed at night, Magnus makes a habit of listing them.

Number one: he is a father now.

Number two: he lives in a place that is radically different from that of what he has left behind. Living in a ghost-less house helps more than he can say.

Number three: his friends are always close by.

Today, one year after the end of his first life, Magnus acknowledges all three of these things as well as Julia, and her headstone feels warmer for it.

It’s a brilliant day. The sun is hot, shining strong like the fiercest of iron forges, and it warms Magnus’ back in a way that can only be described as kind, inviting, familiar. Californian summers are both the best and worst of weather, he decides. Julia more than anyone would want to be remembered in sunshine.

By his side, Angus stands silently as Magnus recounts (in his head, always in his head) a prayer and a blessing that has become usual to him. His right hand rests easily on Angus’ shoulder; the other is balanced on Julia’s sheet of pale marble. Magnus isn’t religious, or so he tells himself, but he’d like to believe that Julia can see him now, wherever she is, and that she’s smiling. He hopes to God that she’s smiling. Graveyards can’t take away all the sunshine Julia once possessed.

He’s just finishing the prayer in his head when Angus tugs on his sleeve. There’s a sense of urgency surrounding the gesture, and that can only mean one thing.

“Dad?”

Magnus keeps his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to leave Julia just yet.

“What is it, Angus?”

“Taako’s coming. Kravitz is with him.”

Magnus opens his eyes. He’ll be back again soon, he thinks, so this small interruption doesn’t really matter: Taako’s high heels make sharp _clacks_ against the stone sidewalk beneath as he moves towards Magnus and Angus, Kravitz’s arm intertwined with his. He’s dressed as formally as Taako ever dresses, but Magnus can’t find it in him to mind. There’s a great bunch of lilies caught in the crook of his arm.

“I brought these,” he says, needlessly, as lacking in tact as he was the day Magnus first met him. He casts an uneasy eye over Julia’s grave. “Thought she might like ‘em.”

Magnus smiles and takes them from him, laying them down in front of Julia’s etched-in name. He hadn’t thought to bring flowers himself. He hadn’t felt the need to, but this feels right as well. Julia deserves the most beautiful of flowers, and Taako always ends up buying the most beautiful of everything.

“It’s a lovely day,” comments Kravitz, craning his neck to look up at the sky. Taako elbows him in the ribs.

“You can’t talk about the _weather_ at a memorial service, Krav. It’s bad form. You’re a fucking funeral director.”

“Then don’t swear.”

“Oh, again with this—” Taako mutters, but he cuts himself off when he looks up at Magnus’ face. There’s doubt there, mixed in amongst everything. It makes Taako’s eyebrows droop. “You OK, Maggie?”

Magnus smiles and squeezes Angus’ hand. They’re better together, he thinks. Things feel so much less helpless when there’s three of them. And Kravitz, of course – Taako wouldn’t ever let him forget Kravitz. He’s an important member of their team, and for good reason.

But nevertheless, there’s a kind of strange tranquillity here, standing in this graveyard with his adopted son and one of his best friends. It’s a feeling Magnus will probably never get used to. Like being without Julia, it doesn’t sit quite right in his mouth – Magnus, armed with companions. Magnus, lonely, sometimes, but never afraid. It’s terrifying.

It doesn’t have to be earned, though, and for Magnus that’s what matters most of all. His happiness isn’t a commodity – it just _is_. It’s just there, and he’s grateful for it.

He runs a thumb across the lettering of Julia’s headstone and feels freer than he has in years. “I’ll be OK,” he says, as Taako blinks at him and Angus smiles. “Everyone is, eventually.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can read the prelude to this fic [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12973959/chapters/29660079).


End file.
